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I have many good memories of President Lincoln.  He was a man of many stories, a huge heart with a heavy and lonely burden for over four years.   One might believe that at least holidays or birthdays would alleviate some of the stress and burdens he carried.  In the reminiscences below, I share what I recall of his birthdays while I knew him.February 12, 1861 was a Tuesday and the president-elect was in Cincinnati when he marked his birthday.  As I was later told, he paid no attention to the occasion of his birth in that year.  The State of South Carolina had seceded in December a scant six weeks after the election.   The president-elect had left Springfield in a cold rain on the 11th.  As the train was about to leave the city he loved so much, the normally amusing and avuncular President turned serious and melancholy.  One of the last things he said was  . . .”I now leave, not knowing when or whether ever I may return . . .” His words proved prophetic.  It took him from the 11th  to the 23rd of February to arrive in Washington.  We made many stops along the way to address the crowds, but he was always very careful with his words lest he risk further fragmenting the Union. The states of Mississippi, Florida, Alabama, Georgia, and Louisiana had left in January. Texas broke away in February while the president-elect was enroute to the capital.  By the time he reached Washington the seven states that would make up the Confederate States of America were out of the Union. The president-elect did not want to risk any more state hemorrhage, especially Maryland and Kentucky.  Congress was not assembled and would not be until the summer, when the president could call them into special session.

On Wednesday February 12, 1862 I had been watching him manage the war and his cabinet and by now was regularly referring to him as the great tycoon for his ability to handle those difficult tasks.  It was a cold and windy day in Washington.  Willie was ailing with a cold or something, and was very grumpy.  Our thoughts on this day were with General Grant and the events at Ft. Donelson in Tennessee. We badly needed battlefield wins to boost morale. The engagement at Ft. Donelson began on the 12th and lasted until the 16th.  The Confederate commander of the fort asked for terms - to which General Grant replied “unconditional surrender”, no other terms.  That phrase would stick for the rest of the war.  Just four days after General Grant’s great victory, Willie died at about 5:00 in the afternoon. I have never seen a man as sad as the President.  He was on his knees next to the bed where Willie lay . . . sobbing at the loss of his 11 year old son.  It was only the press of the war business that kept the President functioning, so great was his sorrow.  Mary shut herself in her room with no lights, the shades were drawn and she refused to eat. Thus ended a very sad and mournful month.

February 12, 1863. Weather this year again was cold and sleeting much of the time, a terrible day to be outside.  It was a quiet day, not much activity on the various military fronts. The ever present skirmishes continued of course - the president spent time at the telegraph office monitoring the military traffic as he had been doing since being sworn in.   Little did we suspect at the time, but this year would be a significant one for the North.  Victories in both Gettysburg, Pennsylvania and Vicksburg, Mississippi would prove decisively important for the cause of the Union that summer.  The encouraging signs on the battlefields were somewhat blunted in the White House by the continued mourning for Willie.  The President had his son’s body exhumed twice between the summer of 1862 and the spring of 1863 so he could “just once more gaze on the face of his precious Willie.”

It’s Friday February 12, 1864 and “the ancient one” as I had come to call the President, was really beginning to show his years from the weight of that terrible war.

He had lost at least 20 pounds and was now down to something like 170 or less on his 6′4″ frame.  He had dark circles under his eyes and he shuffled when he walked. He had bad dreams, too.  Nightmares he called them.  I believe this war was simply taking the life out of him. He prayed and read his Bible a lot. In fact, Liz Keckley - Mary’s seamstress - told me that the only thing other than state papers that he read was the Bible.  And, perhaps appropriately, his favorite book was the book of Job.  No wonder, I say!  I heard the president on a number of occasions praying to God that the awful war might come to an end soon.

February 12, 1865 fell on the Sabbath.  It was a good day for the president - the Electoral College totals were in and he had won 91% of the total.  He won 212 votes and McClellan won only 21.  The President was very upbeat all day as a result.  As well, Sherman was sweeping through South Carolina including the Edisto area and clearing out all remaining vestiges of military resistance there.  The end of this awful war was in sight and the President could see that.   Mr. Lincoln was able to spend much of the day with Mary and Tad and was as happy as I had seen him in many months.  Mary had even baked his favorite cake for the occasion . . . her white almond cake.  She used to bake that cake for him in Springfield.

Yes I was with the president for four of his birthday celebrations.  Actually he did not do much celebrating, there was simply no time.  It was that war, that terrible war.

Sadly some eight weeks later he would be assassinated. The South has paid a terrible price for what Booth did on that Good Friday. In my opinion they would have recovered far more rapidly and fairly had Lincoln lived to see his next four birthdays as president.

Respectfully,

John Milton Hay
(aka Richard Freeman)